As I was driving to work this morning I was reminded of an e-mail I received a few months ago from a friend from Colorado. Here it is (And it's more true than you can even imagine.)
BASIC RULES FOR DRIVING IN UTAH



1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Utah driver NEVER uses them.

2. Under no circumstance should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

3. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.

4. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will result in you being rear-ended.

5. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.

6. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.

7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as a suggestion and are apparently not enforceable in Utah during rush hour.

8. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a Utah driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.

9. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone merely changing a tire.

10. Learn to swerve abruptly. Utah is the home of the high-speed slalom driving thanks to the State Highway Department, which puts pot-holes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.

11. It is traditional in Utah to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light turns green.

12. Remember that the goal of every Utah driver is to get there first by whatever means necessary.
When I first got this e-mail I didn't really understand it, however since I began driving to SLC for work I really saw the truth of it. I especially enjoy when (in fairly heavy traffic) I am following a car at a safe distance (4-6 car lengths) and the car behind me (following me at 1-2 car lengths) decides that I am not going fast enough (apparently the closer you follow the car in front of you the faster you go..) and cuts off the person in the middle lane, passes me and then cuts me off. The car that has just cut me off then continues to tailgate the car now in front of them, but is content because the car in front of them is tail-gating the car in front of them and so on. I, then, let a safe distance develop between the new car in front of me and wait for the cycle to happen again, and it usually does about 4 times on the way. This is a prime example of what I refer to a common diagnosis here know as Utardedness. So please, if you are in Utah on the freeways please be careful and watch out for the Utards, and be patient with them because they too are victims of a cultural disease (and frequent traffic accidents).
Disclaimer: Not all Utah residents are Utarded or bad drivers, mostly (not to exclude others) just the ones who travel North bound on I-15 from 7:30am to 9:00am and South bound on I-15 from 4:30pm to 6:30pm between Salt Lake and Utah County.
Drive safe,
DAVE